JCreek '08 - the final installment (VI)

Now that I've been home a few days and had the time to evaluate the past 67 days of my life, I'm truly amazed at the blessing it was. I remember what my status on Facebook was the few days before I left: Ashlyn wishes it was August. Now that I'm staring in the face of August, I'm full of the craziest mixture of emotions. Sadness, excitement, anxiety, gratitude, exhaustion, and confusion all rolled into one.

I've been thinking back to training week and how scared I was. Helping everyone move in, wondering how we'd fit that many of us in that room (still wondering how we did that), and trying to figure out what the heck I was doing with that video camera. Everyone thought I was really quiet and shy, which I'm pretty sure they don't anymore. I was always nervous to ask people to be in a video. Thankfully, everyone was up for the random ideas I had, like putting a kayak on the tower, tackling each other, or running in a huge group over the hill.

One of my favorite times of the week were Sunday afternoon lunches. We all came together before another week started. Those that left the past weekend were welcomed back, and memories of time together was laughed about. Although I despised most of the rest of Sundays, this time at 11:30am is something I'll always cherish. As I struggle to figure out how to incorporate the past 2 and a half months into "real life," I feel as though I'm desperately grasping at the wisps of the summer falling from my mind. Yes, I know there's the Staff DVD, but it's not the same unless I'm sitting in the JCafe listening to my friends laugh at it for the first time or sitting in Lindsey's apartment getting ready for a wedding and laughing again.

I think the thing I am most afraid of is that as I return to school and BCM and my impending graduation from college, all the things God showed me and taught me this summer won't seem real because I'm no longer in that environment. I spent my entire summer being around the same 30-35 people, practically 24 hours a day. Suddenly, these people are mostly gone from my life and I am shoved back into a world of school loans, living paycheck to paycheck, and people not being intentional and real. I don't ever want to forget what I learned about being a servant, about true leadership without recognition, about finding worth solely in Christ. I don't want to forget conversations outside the Cafe on the weekend, conversations in the tech booth during Bible study, or conversations sitting on the beach chair during third rotation. I don't want to forget laughing at kids on the ski boat, cracking up when staffers couldn't go down the slip and slide, or taunting each other playing dodgeball. God BLESSED me by allowing me to serve alongside amazing people this summer. I still feel so unworthy to be considered in the same group as them. I feel like making a 45 minute staff DVD was nowhere near enough of a gift from me to them.

So as I face the next few weeks of detox, know that while I won't miss the snoring reverberating around the room, I will miss nightly roommate conversations. Though I won't miss the incredible mess in our floor and bathroom, I will miss the community of all our crap being in one place. Though I won't miss most mornings, I will miss making faces behind Crenshaw on screen and her never realizing it. Though I won't miss yelling "staffers, we've got a church!" I will miss the Rouses' Sunday Staff meetings (and the Rouses in general). I won't miss the goose poop, but I will miss the cross. Not the dart game, but flamingo. Not cleaning, but my cleaning team. Not running slides, but the time with those in the tech booth.

I'll never forget being able to pray for my friends, Crossings Life, and worshiping alongside amazing staffers. Thank you for 67 amazing days of learning, sleeplessness, and fun. I owe you more than I could ever repay.